Advice For My Daughter

As I sit and write this blog post, my oldest child (and only daughter), Brooklyn, is 10 1/2 years old.  And going on 16.  It happens so darn fast.  I remember every detail of the day she was born like it was yesterday.  Between then and now, we have done so many things that my pre-motherhood self dreamed of doing with a daughter one day.  There are so many events and milestones to come and memories to be made.  I’m in no way rushing it, not one bit.  But there are so many things that I want to tell her and things I want to teach her.  Many of these things are very deep or spiritual or personal and so those will be written down somewhere else.  But the advice for my daughter that I share here, I hope someone else can also benefit from.

To keep from writing a novel instead of a blog post, I decided to choose just 10 (of the 500+ things I could tell her) to share here. I hope she takes these bits of advice to heart as she grows into a woman and marries and has a family of her own.

1- Make dinner time your sacred family time!  When kids come home from school, it’s snack time, homework, maybe a short break and then either dance, sports, scouts, cheer, church activities or play dates.  We are a very close family and I want it to stay way. I don’t just mean that I want us to get along but that I want more.  I want us to be connected! Dinner time is sometimes crazy or quick and even an occasional frozen pizza on paper plates.  But we make a habit of sitting and blessing the food and eating dinner together.  I love it.  Every single time I think to myself, “THIS is what it’s all about.”  You will get this one day.

This pic was taken for our Back To School Party dinner….see more HERE.

Occasionally I’ll set the table in a special way or throw a surprise themed dinner and I feel like a cross between June Cleaver and Martha Stewart. And then there are the times that dinner is whatever I can throw together quickly or order and grabbing the paper plates and I feel more like Peg Bundy ha!  But that time is still sacred!  Many times, you kids will share something you didn’t feel like sharing earlier or forgot about.  It’s time to resolve problems or talk about goals and plans. It’s time to be a family!!! I love it.  Every dinner. For one day my babies will be gone and I will miss those conversations and cooking for both of you.

This was a fun night!  See more of Our Luau At Home dinner HERE.

2- Fall in love with homemaking!  Whether you live on your own one day or have a house full of children, your home is your castle. Make it yours! Beautify it and make it comfortable and a place you long to go to at the end of the day.  Find your own unique style and don’t listen to everyone else telling you how you should decorate (unless you ask for opinions).

Take pride in keeping a beautiful, clean home.  Learn how to find a look or style for less.  Always be learning new things and find some DIY projects you love that can add a special touch to your home or be useful.

My DIY bathroom shelving tutorial found HERE.  You can also search on my blog for other DIY projects that I know you’ll just love!

Keep up your love of baking and make sure you learn to cook, too!  I love that you love to make “healthy choices” and I’m also so glad you love to bake things with me like macarons and cookies and cupcakes and cakes.

These Lemon Cream Cupcakes (recipe HERE) were sooooo fun to make with you!  Our new frosting bulb was hilarious to figure out and make it look like this.  But you catch on quickly.  You’re a natural!  Baked goods are even more fun when they’re shared!  So always do what I do (your kids will probably complain about this like you guys do) and give some away!  It brightens someone else’s day when you show up with baked goods at their doorstep for no good reason.

3- Take care of your skin and body!  I’m currently 38 years old and oh how I wish I would have listened to my mother and grandmother and taken care of my skin!   They said to wear sunscreen, even on my face. I did not. They said wash your face each night.  I am not always good at this, eek.  But you need to wash off that pollution and everything that your face endured that day.

They said wear moisturizer early and eye cream when you’re older.  I just started doing this the last couple of years.

Ugh, I cringe and wish I would’ve listened. I see the sunspots now and I am starting to see the fine lines.  NOW I’m listening.

And treat yourself to a face mask!  It is so so good for your skin and feels amazing.  Now that was one I enjoyed, even at your age, with my girlfriends when we had sleepovers. Ok, we mostly liked the pictures that came from it and jumping out to scare our brothers with green and brown faces but still…so fun!

Trust me….you’ll be so grateful for this advice 30 years from now.

These gorgeous robes were sent to us by our sweet friends at Plum Pretty Sugar and they are dreamy!   Shop below!

4- Don’t compare yourself to others!  This might sound impossible because, especially as women, we tend to do it. BUT DON’T!  I don’t see you struggle with this now and I’m grateful.  But you’ve not hit your teenage years and everyone is trying to figure out “how to be cool” and “who they are” and “what they should wear or look like” during that time.  Just be you. You’re fabulous.  You’re gorgeous.  You have the funniest and best attitude I know and the biggest heart! Don’t forget that quote we love, “She knew WHO she was and WHOSE she was.”

More on Brooklyn’s Pursebox (lunch box) HERE.

I wish I had half of your self-worth and confidence at your age that you have.  I’ve tried hard to instill that in you.  It wasn’t until, maybe the last 4 or 5 years, that I just didn’t care anymore.  I realized I was beautiful, at any size, and I knew I was talented and smart and funny and had a pure heart.  I’m not perfect, but I LOVE MYSELF! I want that for you, now and always!  You’ll always be content when you realize that you are uniquely you and NO ONE can be YOU!  That’s your superpower, girl!  You’re everything I could’ve hoped for in a daughter and I’m very proud.

I think I would have enjoyed my teenage and young adult years so much more, had I known “who” I was.  Meaning, I wish wish wish I knew my value! But I do now!  I love sharing that with you!

5- You CAN have a stylish AND comfortable home while raising a family!  Except for baby-proofing cupboards with poisons and outlets with covers, I didn’t ever “baby proof” anything.  I taught you and Beckham how to wash your hands, not leave the kitchen with food, grab a tissue to wipe your nose and not wipe it on my nice sofas or curtains.  I taught you to not knock over or touch my floor pillar candlesticks or pick at my beaded pillows.  And you didn’t.

People told me “you can’t have nice things when you have kids” or “you can’t have white bedding when you have kids”…

…and especially “you can’t have white sofas when you have kids”.

Well I always have and they are all still in good shape.  It’s up to you!  If you take time to teach your kids, then hopefully they’ll listen and obey.  Consistency is key and there must be consequences if rules are broken.  That being said, some of our little ones come to this earth with stubborn little personalities (haha) and if it’s too much of a battle, it’s not worth it.  Use good judgment.

See more details on this look-alike Restoration Hardware Balustrade Coffee Table HERE.

And ALWAYS remember that you can have a beautiful home on any budget!  Find joy and thrill in getting the same look for less!  It brings a great sense of accomplishment and that is how you can also give support to your family’s finances.  If you are smart with your money and live within your means and stay on a budget, you might be able to stay home and continue enjoying your role as a homemaker.

6- Organization is your key to sanity!  You see me run around like a crazy person but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I wear a lot of hats and you probably would too.  Between our family activities and my personal commitments and all that you children have going on…there is no way on this earth we’d be able to do it all without organization.  It’s 2016 and thank goodness for cell phone alarms and alerts and calendars to keep me straight and remind me of all we have to do and places we have to be.

See more HERE on my office space and DIY Framed Wallpaper Panels.  Office reveal coming soon!

I make lists weekly and daily. Not to pressure myself or feel this award-winning sense of accomplishment (although there are many days I do a happy dance and feel a trophy is deserved for checking everything off hahaha) but I make these lists to keep me focused and driven and remember what tasks have the higher priorities and are essential in keeping our family and household (and my business) running smoothly.  I see you with your planner now.  Keep that up!  It’s a good habit to be in, to keep a planner.

Organization applies to your home!  Your closets and cupboards and pantries and even your fridge can be organized and tidy kept in order.  Not everyone values this advice and that’s fine.  To each their own.  Not to say I don’t have that junk drawer (a necessary evil) in the kitchen or that small little secret “Monica closet” (Friends reference haha…i need to clean that and organize that thing) but you will feel greater peace and a sense of order and pride in a home that is organized and neat and clean.

You won’t have a meltdown when someone announces they are coming to stay with you as they are passing through town.  You’ll be ready and it will be a joy to have them.

7- Create your own special occasions for no reason at all!  It doesn’t need to be a birthday or holiday to create something special.  You can serve and present things in a way that make people feel special and enjoy what you’ve made even more.

Celebrate the fact that it’s cold outside….finally! (We’re in Texas so we wait longer for the fall and winter seasons.)  Remember the time it was freezing and you and Beckham came home from school to this fun little Hot Chocolate Bar I put together for you and your friends?  You loved walking in the door, shivering and cold, to find this.  Y’all got soooo excited!

We also “celebrated” our first time making macarons together and then made them over and over and shared them with guests so beautifully.

Fresh-baked cookies is always a “special” occasion ha!  I love that you kids appreciate how I put them out for you.  We even did this for our movers and they felt so special.

The first day of school is always special but last year you and Beckham didn’t want anything heavy or fancy.  You wanted muffins and juice.  That’s it.  Well, that left me with the need to get creative to make it feel a little more fun.  So I did.  My muffins weren’t very big and fluffy but they were delicious and I loved seeing the look on your faces when you came downstairs.

Last year you kids walked in from school and saw this…..

“What’s the occasion?  What’s this for?”, you asked.  No occasion.  It was just Friday, the end of a long school week, and I had just bought fresh pink peonies (our favorite).  Do you see now?  Everyday is a good day to make it a special day.

8- ALWAYS have a grateful heart and have an attitude of gratitude!  Count your blessings and tell people “thank you”.  A hand-written note is becoming a lost art and it makes me sad.  Sit and tell someone you appreciate them.

One of my favorite quotes….”When you look at life through eyes of gratitude, the world becomes a magical place!” ~Jennifer Gayle

See blessings and miracles tender mercies in each and every day!  The more you focus on your blessings and what you’ve been given, the happier you are and you will have room to receive more and more of the good things in your life.  God wants to bless you and He loves when His children are grateful.  Go to Him and tell him “thank you”.  This will keep you happy and optimistic and it will continue to be 2nd nature for you to find joy and beauty in each day.

9- There is always room for one more!  This has been repeated over and over to you since you could understand it but please don’t ever forget it.  Do NOT belong to a clique.  Do NOT have a name for yourselves or publicly announce that you are a “tribe” or “club” or “squad” or give yourself some title.  That is exclusive and hurtful to others.  Do NOT limit yourself to just one group of friends.  Be friends with EVERYONE!  You are no better than anyone else.  I have always wanted to be friends with everyone and it has brought me so much joy!  I have met the most amazing women! You might be missing out on very dear friendships and the blessing of getting know others.  Some, of which, might desperately need your friendship.  Some of my closes friends are women I never thought I had anything in common with, until we got to know each other.

That being said…know who your true friends are and in whom you can trust.  Stay away from the “mean girls”.  Forgive, but move on.  Do not put yourself back in a position to constantly be hurt over and over.  Remember our favorite saying that, painfully, we’ve had to learn over the last few years?  “Invest in people that invest in you!”

This advice doesn’t come from a bitter place.  It comes from a grateful heart.  You will find so much joy in this principle as you grieve friendships that are not healthy or in friendships with those that don’t make an effort with you, as you do them.  You open your heart to those that God will put in your path and can become great friendships.  Also, and this is huge, make sure that you are kind to everyone but in no way do you need to hang out or be friends with those that make choices that do not live up to your standards.  If they constantly participate in behavior that is not in accordance with your standards, the standards we’ve set as a family, and if they are not kind to others.  Walk away.  Be kind, but walk away from them. (I know you’ve done this already.) They will not bring out the best in you or uplift you.  They will not encourage you to be the best you can be and attain your full potential.

10- Stand up and be counted!  Never follow what everyone else is doing.  Think about it.  Be a leader. Do what is right, no matter how hard it is.  You are special and not sent here to fail.  You’ll make mistakes, but I see how you pick yourself up and get right back to it. You’re a go-getter.  That’s my girl!  I love how you stand for what is right even though {at an early age} some have given you grief for it.

There was a poster I saw hanging in my Life Skills Class in high school and it said…“What’s popular is not always right and what’s right is not always popular.”  You might stand alone in certain choices or opinions or beliefs.  That’s okay.  God is with you and He is there for you.  He will strengthen you and bless you for your courage and right choices. Don’t forget…You ALWAYS have me!!!  And your dad and Beckham and all your loving family members.  But I’m always here and you can talk to me about anything and everything.  You’re already doing that and I love it.  I love our talks. I love pillow talk and I love our obsession with Audrey Hepburn and Anne of Green Gables and pink and baking.  We have the best time.

BONUS tip- Find what brings you JOY!  Yes, life is hard and we are here to learn and grow.  But we are also meant to have joy.  Find joy in the big things, eternal things, important things.  Find joy in the little things like….a butterfly landing on your arm, a dance party while we make dinner (or in our robes in my bathroom just before bed, haha), finding a good sale on our shopping outings, and putting on your rain boots and dancing in the rain!  Life is so good.

Excuse our selfie but we wanted to remember this hilarious dance party we were having!

You’re like looking into a mirror.  You look like me and you act like me and, as Dad says, you even cry like me.  Not because you’re not your own person, but because you are a part of me.  You’re also much better at some things than I ever was (i.e. being on time).  Take pride in that all!  You have so much ahead of you and I’m loving watching you grow into this beautiful young lady.  If I had picked out everything I wanted in a daughter and ordered you online, you’d be exactly what you are now.  You made my dreams come true the day you were born and every day since.  Even on your worst days, I have been proud of you.  You’re learning and growing and trying your best.  Keep it up, sweet girl!  I love you more than Diet Coke, Disneyland, Creme Brûlée and Christmas all put together!

Love, Mom